I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize