I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
