your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
