I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
did you just send me my own nude
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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