im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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