we're blogging at a bar
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You made out with two different species that night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
