Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize