I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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