Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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