She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
