It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
