Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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