You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
