my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
jump out the window naked night went bad
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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