I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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