I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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