That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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