Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
