I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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