my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize