He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
