So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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