in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
