i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
