When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
