Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
