Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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