In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
