She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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