Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Couch. On fire.
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