Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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