I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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