just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
