My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
