I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
