I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
