ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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