I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
