Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
