32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
