It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
