sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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