I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
