You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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