I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
