Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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