i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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