Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
