Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
