Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
