did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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