I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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