totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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