I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
