I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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