Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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