Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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