you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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