dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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