I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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