she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
