He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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