I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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