i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
